Certain symptoms of ADHD and difficulty with emotional regulation can sometimes make it harder to make and keep friends.
Some children and adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) face challenges in making and maintaining friendships. Difficulties with friendships can lower self-esteem, raise your chances of developing other mental health conditions, and lead to loneliness.
Understanding your personal symptoms and any challenges you face in building relationships can help you make and better maintain your friendships. Learning several skills can also help your friendships thrive.
Making friends can be hard for anyone, but research has shown that it can be an extra challenge for people with ADHD.
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The researchers found that this could be due to several reasons, including:
- differences in typical social functioning
- common coexisting conditions such as oppositional defiant disorder and conduct disorder
- a higher likelihood of experiencing victimization or rejection by peers
- difficulties regulating emotions
Most research mentions how the symptoms of ADHD — like inattentiveness, hyperactivity, and impulsivity — can affect a person’s social skills. Especially as a child, constantly interrupting or appearing like you’re not listening can make you seem like a rude friend.
Certain symptoms of ADHD could affect your ability to make or maintain friends, such as:
- issues paying attention or listening
- forgetting about tasks or events you were meant to do, like calling a friend or meeting up for lunch
- as children, being loud and unable to play quietly
- talking excessively or trying to finish other people’s sentences
- impatience or interrupting conversations or meetings
- difficulties with time management, preventing you from spending time with friends
People with ADHD are not more emotionally detached than people without ADHD. But they may appear so.
Some people with ADHD are easily distracted, have trouble listening, or are forgetful. These symptoms could all make a person seem emotionally detached or uninterested, even if they aren’t.
Many people with ADHD report having a lot of big, intense emotions. For some, this can lead to issues with emotional regulation. When you have trouble regulating your emotions, it can be hard to maintain friendships and even carry on certain conversations, especially if they’re emotionally charged.
If you have trouble regulating your emotions, you may try to avoid conflict or emotional situations, making you appear detached.
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For many years, most people didn’t recognize ADHD in girls and women or, due to stigma, believed it was less severe in girls.
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The researchers believed that because these symptoms are more often seen in boys, girls with noticeable impulsivity and hyperactivity could appear to be outside of gender norms. In youth especially, not conforming to society’s gender norms could limit their ability to make and maintain friendships.
There is a need for more research on how ADHD may affect friendships with transgender, intersex, or other LGBTQIA+ youth. However, these groups also have a higher chance of ostracization from their peers, meaning they intentionally leave people out of activities.
Friendships and social support are important. A
Research from 2021 suggests that people with ADHD may be less likely to develop symptoms of depression if they have good social support and high quality friendships.
There are several ways you can help make and maintain your friendships while living with ADHD:
Manage your ADHD symptoms
When ADHD is untreated, it’s much harder to function, let alone make time for friends. Managing ADHD can give you the head space to focus on your friendships and improve your social skills.
Work on time management and organization skills
If you experience forgetfulness, make sure birthdays and important events are always in your phone — with several reminders if needed.
Use tools like phone apps, daily planners, and browser extensions to get organized. These can help you prioritize the important events and tasks in your life.
Schedule time with friends
You can’t maintain your friendships without putting in the work. Whether it’s a weekly phone call, a monthly lunch date, or creating a book club for an old group of friends, schedule it.
It’s easy to say, “Let’s get together soon,” over and over without ever doing anything. But even if it’s just a few times a year or a 15-minute phone call, it will make a difference in strengthening your friendships.
Work on emotional regulation
If regulating your emotions is a challenge for you, there are lots of strategies that can help you improve.
Emotional regulation can help stop you from saying or doing things that can hurt your friendships. Impulsivity in ADHD can often play into this. Learn more about ADHD and your emotions in this article.
You can work on emotional regulation with mindfulness, journaling, practicing self-awareness, and by working with a mental health professional.
Other tips
- Work on your social skills, if necessary: If you understand your strengths and challenges, you can figure out where you need to improve.
- Practice listening: Listening is a skill you can develop! You can practice active listening to strengthen your connections.
- Put yourself out there: It can feel hard to make new friends, especially as an adult. Remember, friends can be online or in person nowadays. You can find a support system anywhere through meetups, shared hobbies, mutual friends, and more. Keep trying; your people are out there.
While research has found a link between difficulty making or keeping friends with ADHD, friendships are pretty individual.
Some people without ADHD may also have difficulty with friendships, while others with ADHD may not find it challenging at all.
If you’re having challenges making or keeping friends, you could improve your social skills and find support. Other people with ADHD or a mental health professional will understand what you’re going through and can offer support.